


Four Stages

by ooooohdarling



Series: four stages [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Academy Era, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ooooohdarling/pseuds/ooooohdarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moment when you think it;<br/>The moment when you think you know it;<br/>The moment when you know it but you just can't say it;<br/>The moment when you know it but you can't keep it in any longer;</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These are not my characters, I'm just borrowing them for this fic. All characters belong to ABC's Agent's of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the many faced Disney gods.

“Oh Fitz, my goodness surely washing your sheets is much more preferable to sleeping on that disgusting mattress without any sheets at all?”

He should be standing up for himself, but she was right this had gone on long enough.

“Ok well to be fair I burned my extra set when I left my soldering iron on and my regular set still has the ink stain from the pen incident.”

“I don’t particularly want to know why you were soldering in bed, just gather it all up and let’s go do the washing.”

Leo Fitz, 17 year-old Academy member - child prodigy, started piling t-shirts, jeans, socks, pants, sheets, everything currently littering the floor of his dorm and dutifully followed his best friend turned lab partner turned washing expert apparently, Jemma Simmons, down to the laundry room.

“Right, put the light t-shirts in this one - no not that that goes in with other darks - yes that works and the sheets let’s put some stain removal on that.”

“Stain removal? What’s that made of? Oh, It’s got ethanolamine in it? That’s fine that makes sense you can go ahead and use it.”

After ignoring her eye-roll he followed her instructions and not long after they were able to set all of his items to wash, no small feat considering they were using half the room’s machines. Hopefully other people had better things to do on a Saturday night than their washing.

Well, people other than them of course.

Jumping up to join her on the machines he pulled out his mobile to pull up a design he wanted to show her.

“You know how you were telling me about DNA receptors? That if there was some sort of program able to detect the small differences in the sequences we could possibly use that to form secure technology?”

“Yes of course but it was more hypothetical, we aren’t training to be Quartermasters, Fitz.”

“Well that’s because Quartermasters have nothing on us, look at this it’s a compartment within a mobile that we could ‘theoretically’ store a program like that. Maybe Professor Vaughn could help us get started.”

“Oh, Fitz that’s brilliant. But could you move it to the back of the mobile? I’m trying to think of the simplest way to collect the DNA. Fingerprint scanners are so 90’s.”

“Agreed!”

They spent the next 40 minutes debating proper placement before diving into their opinions on the sonic screwdriver having some sort of recognition built in. Eventually his laundry beeped and they both slid off the machines to start loading his wash into the dryers.

Once his dryers were sorted, with only one dryer sheet per machine - because ok fine Simmons one is proper but they smell so nice so two would make the sheets smell even better - he had a dangerous thought.

A thought he had spent months convincing everyone, his mum, his mates, their professors, that it just wasn’t like that because Simmons was just his friend.

The thought wasn’t monumental, at least at the time - with the proper revisiting he would realize just how momentous it truly was. - it was silly really, just thinking that his laundry smelled like her clothes and that doing laundry didn't sound so bad if it meant doing it with her.

It’s just that, typically after spending a lot of time with someone he needed a break. A moment to recharge alone by himself but he had realized that they had spent all day together, literally all day because he fell asleep on the couch in her room after binge watching old James Bond movies.

They had been close since being partnered in Chem lab last semester but something had changed over the Christmas break. Both being forced to spend Christmas away from their families they had spent the holiday together, and he had read to her from his favorite book to help her feel better after realizing just how homesick she was.

Since then it wasn’t unusual for one of them to be together morning to night, fall asleep in the other’s room was a new development and when that fact had slipped to his mum one night on a Skype call he had spent almost 20 minutes convincing her that they were just friends!

She was a girl, sure, and a pretty girl ok?

But this was Simmons, the girl who liked cocoa puffs in her ice cream and didn’t have any real friends because she was odd just like him.

This was different, he thought about what it would be like to do laundry after the Academy and felt a pang of jealousy when imagining Simmons doing laundry with one of the meat-heads she so liked running around with.

Brushing it off, he focused instead on convincing her that the sonic screwdriver had to have some sort of recognition system otherwise anyone could get their hands on it and it’s powerful technology.

He didn’t have to have those thoughts right now, they could wait. He was just thinking it after all.


	2. Chapter 2

He heard her close the door to his bunk and let his hand drift up to rest under his chin as his smile drifted slowly from his face. He was determined to sleep, to end this nightmare of a day.

Watching Jemma Simmons throw herself from the airplane to save their crew, to save him, was nothing short of a bad dream actualized. The anti-serum (thank you) had finally worked and the rat had survived but he was locked in the lab and she couldn’t hear his screams. The screams that called to her to stop, to listen, to not die. Breaking himself out of the lab he rushed for the parachutes cradling the anti-serum.

He would have done it too, but Ward was probably better suited for the whole ‘jumping out of airplanes and directing himself toward a body hurdling to earth while simultaneously injecting them with a fragile anti-serum’.

Whatever. He would have jumped after her, of course he would have.

Their talk had helped, as long as she knew what he would have done, that he would have sacrificed anything to save her.

Of course he would have, they had been friends - best friends - for years. Since being assigned as partners in that horrible chem lab that was boring beyond belief because there were no cool machines to play around with or electronics to corrupt.

She saved him all those years ago, turned him away from himself and gave him something to focus on. 

The least he could do was save her in return.

But there was something else lingering, like a sneeze that wouldn’t come out. Something deep down knew she was right, that these last few months had in fact be the highlight of his entire pasty life.

Because any time spent with Jemma was a highlight, inventing alongside her, complimenting her genius with his own. They were like two sides of the same coin, the sun and the moon, flowers and earth. One was necessary for the other’s survival but it was more than that, there was more beauty and more depth there because the other existed.

Oh.

Suddenly it hit him, that terrible thought that he had been trying to suppress for months now.

He loved her.

Not in the way he loved his friends, he would always be there to help Skye and Ward he would be there to help May too but he doubted she would ever need anything from him.

He loved her in the way the poems always talked about, like those terrible movies Skye made them watch when they got downtime.

Fear gripped him, she didn't feel the same way - he knew that. He had seen her flirt with countless guys in the Boiler Room while at the Academy then Sci Ops. He knew that Jemma, with her fierce determination stopped at nothing once she had feelings for someone, surely if she had any sort of romantic feelings for him he would have known by now.

He tried to tell himself that it was just the excitement of the day, that this would fade to something more normal soon enough. She almost died today, that’s all this was.

Trying to stand to make some tea before bed his legs shook from underneath him, as if they had fallen asleep but it was different than that. Almost like his realization had changed his very DNA, maybe his limbic system was screaming at his body “No, lads this is real! Make him realize it!”

Feeling slightly crazy for his thoughts he made his way to the kitchen and turned the kettle on to warm up the water, he grabbed two mugs and decided to make some tea for Jemma as well. Surely she would need some help falling asleep tonight.

Once the water was warmed and the proper milk placed in each cup he made his way to her bunk, cradling two mugs in one hand he punched in her key and froze in the doorway when he realized she was fast asleep in her bed.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her as he placed the mug of tea on her bedside table, maybe she would need it if she woke up in the middle of the night. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped she wouldn’t have to deal with any nightmares, sleeping on planes was always difficult for her but maybe the adrenaline had faded away and her body simply crashed in it’s wake.

The moon’s soft glow made her look angelic, he thought to himself.

Crap, maybe this wasn’t going to fade after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is in the books, two more to go! Thanks again to everyone who's commented and left kudos, your support means a lot to me!
> 
> Also thanks to whomever nominated me for the "up and comer" award for the FitzSimmons fanfic awards happening on tumblr. I know there's been some controversy surrounding the actual nominations and the way the nominations have been handled but it means a lot that someone thinks my crap-writing is worty of a nom.
> 
> Come say hey to me at snakebiter on tumblr if you feel like it!


	3. The moment when you know you know it but you just can't say it

“I just miss you - her - I miss her.”

He knew it wasn’t normal, hallucinating her like this, but he couldn’t help it. He missed her.

The first few days out of the coma were hazy at best. He remembered the pod, unfortunately, but waking up was foggy and felt like when you were napping and waking up but just kept going back to sleep.

Jemma was helpful when he was first recovering, he couldn’t remember words or phrases to simple items. Almost like he knew what a fork was, he recognized the fork but it was just not going to come to the forefront of his mind. She was always there, giving him the answers to things, helping him stretch and get the proper nutrients.

Sure, he relied on her for a lot of simple words but that’s what best friends were for right?

She told him she was going to see her parents, take a week or so at most but then after a week passed and then another week he realized that she wasn’t coming back.

She moved on.

Which was very unfortunate timing on account of the fact that he realized he loved her.

It wasn’t some large explosion or big realization like they make it seem it is in the movies. Almost like when you walk inside from being in the snow, and you feel warmth from a fire spreading throughout your body.

She was making some tea in the kitchen and he could see her moving around in the lab, she put her hair up in a pony tail.

That was it.

He realized before she even finished putting her hair up.

However, none of that mattered now. He couldn’t tell her, even if she was here he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to get the words out. Sure, he wasn’t stuttering or struggling to find words when he was talking to Hallucination Jemma but when he had to say the words out loud? That’s when it became more difficult.

Calling her parents seemed like a low blow, but he could. He’s met them a few times and they always liked him, he could ask how she was and if she told them where she was going next. Something stopped him however, how would he explain his speech impediment?

‘Oh hullo, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons. Yes, this speech impediment? Oh happened after your daughter and I sunk to the bottom of the ocean in a medical pod and my brain went without oxygen for a few odd minutes. How is Jemma this afternoon?’

That wasn’t going to work. He didn’t want to tell them about the pod, he knew that Jemma liked to keep her parents in the dark about their dangerous jobs. Made it easier. He understood, his mum knew that he was a part of a science organization but she didn’t know too much. He wasn’t even sure if someone called her when he was in the coma.

He could ask Coulson, or Skye. Surely someone had to know where she went off to.

Something stopped him each time he thought to ask.

Maybe it was because he was sick of the pitying glances everyone kept throwing him when he couldn’t force his words out. Like when Skye had to open a bottle of water for him because his hands were shaking so badly.

He wasn’t able to tell her that he loved her, finally after all these years of her friendship and months wrestling with these feelings. Trying to pin them down under excuses like, ‘She’s your best friend! You don’t want to ruin that by dating her and realizing it won’t work!’ or ‘She doesn’t see you like that, she likes big strong super-model attractive me. Why shouldn’t she? She’s basically the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.’

These feelings broke free of their restraints and she was gone.

Maybe he should try to move on too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Chapter 3 or 4, cool stuff guys! I've been throwing around ideas of what I want my next fic to be, but I'll definitely be doing an epilogue to these two stories before I move on to my next fic.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. It's awesome to see the kudos and comments I get.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at snakebiter, you're always welcome to chat with me there or complain about the amount of dog stuff I reblog. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Alright! Well this is going through the four stages of saying I love you from How I Met Your Mother, I've just completed the fic from Jemma's perspective and this one is from Fitz's. I tried to stay as close to cannon as possible and did some research but all spelling/grammar mistakes are my own.
> 
> I'll be updating this on Sundays, probably later afternoon-ish.
> 
> I'm not crazy active on tumblr but I am on there, snakebiter, in case you want to stop by and scream / whatever!


End file.
